
paradise isnt everything by autotelic
I was no longer able to maintain those old friendships
Not with those that spoke of the good trip where fairies abound
Everyone from the past is a mere ghost now
Except for the woman that keeps giving me books
With titles like “Being Nobody Going Nowhere”
My only real form of communication now is with clerks
At the gas stations
And waitresses on the road
In those small towns
They recognize my sigh
As I shrug my shoulders and say
“Times are hard, but boy, this sure is pretty country to drive around in”
I can share the weariness with strangers on the road
And the disillusioned woman from the unenthusiastic Thursday night sangha
I can even talk about the hopelessness
It’s intimate
No extra energy for small talk
Either you know about the struggle
Or you don’t
The people from the past still believe that great change is coming
And if it doesn’t come
They can always collapse back into the demands of the family
But I embody the orphanage
And the wasteland in its purest form
I’m not a romantic
I was never given the luxury of escape
And I’m not running from the big sleep