As soon as the kids got in the SUV they started arguing

They were sleeping over at Angela's
She figuresd Tom wouldnt find out or even care
He got the call to go at the last minute
Colorado
A 5 hour drive and a stopover.
She'd insisted he book a motel.
Of course being Tom he wanted to drive straight back
Honey you'll be so tired she said
You'll want to chat with the guys

And you havent seen Marc Lerner for years.
You said so yourself.
He'd protested

Like a shepherd drawn away from his flock
She'd gone so far as to book the motel for him.
The Ramada , in Northglenn

Earlier  when Tom was helping referee a soccer match at the High school 

She'd booked a room at motel 6 for her and Rodrigo

A clapped out place on the business loop

Way out on the other side of town to make sure no one would see them
In back Jack was hitting Donny with his bat
The younger boy was crying
And Cyndi  wasnt making life any easier either
She put on her sunglasses , pouted at herself in the mirror
And took a left on Stapleton to take the short route to Angela's
Will you quit that she shouted at Jack
Cyndi smiled at her brothers stung expression
He folded his arms and spitefully kicked out at her

She dodged and pushed him back
Observing them in the mirror up front she thought
My that girl is growing up
She'll be creeping around herself soon enough
Just give her a few more years as a kid Lord she thought

Because the rest of her life is going to be spent acting out adulthood

Without respite
She slowed to allow a car to turn out
The car jerked, the condoms slid out of her open make up bag on the front seat

Shit!
Her youngest  son was clambering over the seat.
Mom whats that?
She panicked.
Donny will you get in the goddamn back NOW!
He did as he was told and the kids were silent, her tone and choice of words had shocked them

Ahead she could make out the silhouette of Angela out on her porch
Standing beside the flag

Angela had on a summer dress

She did waiting well 

Her man was out in Iraq and Angela had busied herself for company
She was doing a shift at the Salvation Army Thrift Store
And leading  Tuesday night bible study and kids Sunday School classes
Angela never stopped talking about Geoff

He was an expert in battlefield communcations
The kids started to move for the door
She could already smell Rodrigo
He'd be wearing a string vest under a loose cotton shirt
He'd be effortlessly waiting on a corner just like this one without a care
With  that casual crooked smile

He made waiting look so easy too

She made a mental note that she needed to go to the bank
Rodrigo would want some beer

And maybe she could buy him a pack of lights and a nice shirt

Maybe she could throw him twenty

As he'd told her on the phone that  he'd been rained off a few days that week

That's why he couldnt make it to the church

He'd said something about the construction industry being on short time
She stopped the car and the kids clambered out

She quickly kissed and hugged them but her heart wasnt in it

Living the lie was taking its toll
Angela called over from the porch
It was a familar noise
Suddenly she really wished Tom was out in Iraq
Or Aghanistan or dead
She mentally  recoiled at wishing him dead but life was getting complicated

It wasnt fair
She figured it would be good if she could just be someone else

Wondering if she really needed to be inside her body within the role she had been brought up for.  She just wanted to live a little

Angela waved again ,she felt the resentment rising

Angela inhabited her role in life well 

' First thing tomorrow morning then'  Angela called out'
She pulled away slowly, ' Not too early , I want to sleep in.' 

Angela laughed at the joke.

If only she could have Angela officially adopt the kids....No..

She span the wheel  and put her foot down and gave out a heavy sigh of relief when Angela and the waving kids were no longer in sight

If it wasnt for the kids...
She killed the thought cycle
She knew it wasnt Tom or the kids
It was just that Friday four weeks earlier
When her husband had asked Rodrigo who was working on the church to come over and fix the washer
And she'd let her defenses down and he'd came in her mouth instead

And inside her

Unprotected sex

Twice
She wondered if God would forgive her

But Rodrigo had opened her up and the flesh was weak
She recalled Tom using the  phrase  in his sermons so many times
Warning the congregation of the dangers of the permissive society 

Of loose morals

Of animal lust and demeaning and psychologically damaging  sex  

Now it excited her.
As much as she knew if it ever came out it would crucify Tom 

She'd even  imagined him watching them once

And dug her fingers into Rodrigo's sweaty muscular back as she came. 

She'd never ever gushed like that with Tom  and he'd certainly never tongued her ass.

So, the genie was out of the bottle

But she knew it was only a matter of time before she'd have to force it back in again

Tom, his job, the kids , motherhood required it

There was no question about that

The only question was, when?

She was already fielding calls from concerned  parishioners

Who pursued her with an  insufferable kindness 

Sensing some crisis of faith or conscience

The pack was closing in to reclaim one of its own

To nudge her back into her dull secure life with Tom, the kids and the Church. 

At the crossroads she braked and hesitated

And closing  her eyes willed the universe to make the next decision for her

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