 roots collider by autotelic In the park the voice said Sit under this tree
And quietly contemplate all the troubles in the world
Beyond your own
I sat down and thought and thought
Of all the horrors of all the ages
And how Jesus never had to suffer this age
As the majority of us in the West have outlived him Then I averted my eyes as a couple walked past me
Carrying life
Down the hill
I watched them descend for a while
Watched them take each purposeful step with such great care
life was so obviously precious to them
I wondered why had I chosen the steepest path
Because it was the more difficult?
Or because it was easier?
Was it even a path at all or was I just fucking lost?
Was there a point?
A destination?
For me
Beyond just living to die?
Or had the path been chosen for me?
A small child approached
She looked at me accusingly
I wondered if she was a ghost
And got up and started walking down the hill
Away from the pain of childhood and delivery
Autumn had dulled my feelings of over-exposure And negativity But I still wandered off the track
To avoid contact with other walkers
The voice said thats ego
Obliterate yourself in your mind
So you have no perception of being seen
Imagine you are nothing
That you dont exist
But I couldnt
And shied away from people walking towards me even more
The grass was softer than the pathway
Then I saw the tiny Chinese women
Working in teams
Bending down gathering chestnuts
Going from tree to tree like fairies
Weighed down with branded plastic bags
Spiritual
Material
One of them saw me looking and said
Why are you alone?
She held out a chestnut for me
Very good she said
For mental anguish, hopelessness and despair
I took it and placed it in my pocket It felt warm and comforting
And walked up again towards the old observatory The home of Time
Where couples sat arms around each other on benches
Gazing into each other
Or off into space beyond the prime meridian At the distant spires
Competing to explain the eternal
At the crossroads
I was confronted by two identical dogs
Fighting savagely in the centre of the path
The owners couldnt seperate the dogs
And just stood around helplessly
Stop it! Stop it ! Stop it?
Cried one of the women
They are killing each other!
There was nothing I could do either
It was against their nature to stop
They were blinded by rage
I walked on gripping the chestnut in my pocket for comfort
And after walking aimlessly for ten minutes or so
Suddenly realised I was back where I had started
Even though I thought I had been moving away
The voice said sit under this tree
And quietly contemplate all the troubles in the world
Beyond your own
So I sat and thought about the pain of everyone who had ever lived
How beautifully autumn painted dying
And wondered if I sat there thinking long enough I'd stop thinking And escape perpetual motion.
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