lifeisbrutallyunfair.com - rage of ambition

rage of ambition

_POSTED_BY desik

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

burning ambition man by autotelic

Comments

anna	\|2008-11-27 00:44:01

Hi guys,

I'm really sorry I let some of you down, things didnt work out well
at the Covent, I thought I was over my problems but I wasnt and , well, I
imagined the sisters would give me more chances than they did but they didnt ,
they asked me to leave the next day. Then I got arrested and some other
nightmarish stuff happened and I ended up on the ward again.

Anyway, I got
out clean last week and managed to get an official ride down to Santa Rosa to
stay with an old schoolfriend the social department at the hospital contacted
for me. I hadnt seen her in 20 years but all my bridges were burned . So I gave
them her name and prayed like I never had before and the following day the
social worker said Mona had agreed for me to be discharged to her address the
following day and she couldnt wait to see me .

I'd never been so down or so
lonely and I just cried all night wondering how I was going to face my old
friend who I had turned my back on so long ago. When I got to Mona's house and
she greeted me in the doorway in her wheelchair the full force of my selfishness
over the years hit me and I just sobbed and sobbed in Mona's arms as the
hospital guy left my one bag on the porch and drove away.

Mona told me she'd
broken her back in a bizzare theatre accident when a heavy stage prop had fallen
on her. Her high school sweetheart had skipped within hours of learning of the
extent of her injuries. Mona had never left the family home and her parents had
died within months of each other a couple of years after the accident. Since
then she'd lived on her own. ' She told me' I always wondered what had happened
to you and prayed for you at night hoping you would be ok '

I'm fixing to
stay down here with Mona as long as she'll have me around , it feels like my
last chance but more than that I really want to be here for Mona as I feel I've
lived my life two or three times over and now really need to focus on helping
other people.

Anyway, I'm sorry if I hurt any of you on the way down this
time, please forgive me.

Anna

autotelic

|2008-11-27 05:18:27

Anna, it's the people that haven't experienced the depths of hopelessness that
we tend to have confrontations with. There are an awful lot of arrogant people
crowding the stage of life......and well, for us, that's uninspiring...most
people don't know the first thing about compassion.

You're just so real! And
that's very compelling!

Bjorn - Big Hug to Anna

|2008-11-27 06:51:11

Anna.

Hey, welcome back my friend! Listen, forget all that other stuff , well
dont forget to learn from it but you know what I mean, dont overly fret about it
and Santa Rosa isnt that far from SF and Palo Alto so if you and Mona ever get
down this way drop by or better still once you are really settled in up there
send me an invite and we can all go check out the Avenue of the Giants or whale
watching or something. Be the person you can be girl , you're a star. Welcome
home.

Frank

|2008-11-27 14:42:46

Dont get me choked up babe as I'm just getting up and really want to enjoy my
first smoke - yeah, thats one habit i'm not going to kick, thats for fucking
sure!

You have got a last chance here dude so take it, Jesus, I'd give up the
booze completely if it still got me fighting mad and into scrapes I couldnt get
out of but it doesnt, it just eases the unconsciousness in a little quicker is
all but Anna we have to fucking fight for everything we have in this life, every
fucking thing but the moment you touch that bottle the fight fucking leaves
you.You need to think about yourself. Life is crap at times. Drunk or sober its
the same but if you stay sober you get to keep your friends and maybe your
life.

Listen to me, I must sound like an old grisly but I want this to work
for you. I lost whatever help I had through drinking to excess 20 years ago. I
still look like a drunk but I'm a sober drunk who has made peace and a contract
with life, I'm gonna sit back and let it kill me.

All the best.

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